Have I mentioned that I really enjoy Facebook? I do. My favorite part - connecting with friends and family that I wouldn't otherwise connect with. Just thought I'd let you know.

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I've been doing some soul-searching lately. I have a...dream? I'm not sure it's really a dream.
Maybe - a desire, a "want-to".
A, "I think I'd be good at and really enjoy."
A, "I could live my life and not do this, and be just fine, but I think my life (and maybe some other people's lives) will be better if".

I've prayed and sought counsel. I've researched and made contacts. My emotions have been up and down and back again. And, finally I've found peace, which is what I like to think is God's way of guiding me.

I want to pursue becoming a midwife. And, I am. I'm not quite to the jump-in-with-both-feet point, but I've signed up for an Introduction to Midwifery (funny word) course.

This is a stretch for me. I'd really like to be able to see the BIG picture about now. I consider myself a "follow-the-rules" kind of gal. I like to go with the flow, not stand out - at least not for being different. But, the past few years, God has really stretched me out of my box. It began with home birth and was followed by home school. Two decisions that aren't in my "color-inside-the-lines" comfort zone. Now this desire to become a midwife too??

A few years ago, I wouldn't have even thought of those unconventional options. But, let's just say they wondered into my brain: I would have hoped that IF God wanted me (and He surely wouldn't) to do those things, I would somehow find a way to obey. But as we've encountered each decision, God's peace has been so sure that it was the only NATURAL option. Isn't that amazing. AMAZING!

So, will I become a midwife? I don't know. Right now, I have peace about this introductory course. We'll see what comes next.

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I haven't talked about Isaac (son #2) lately. Nolan and I often say, "I love that kid." He's so passionate. He's our cuddler. He'll hug you and not let go. He'll stop what he's doing just to come give you a kiss. Love is not the only emotion he shows, however. It has been, and I'm sure will continue to be, his challenge to operate in self-control. As he is struggling with this, I have found myself, often unsuccessfully, trying to be a role model. Did you know grown-ups are used to getting their way? How did you react the last time things didn't go your way?

Just ignore the fact that I haven't written on this blog in who knows how long.

So, I seriously need a new look for this page. It looks like I spilled a bottle of Pepto Bismol, and while Pepto serves a purpose, I don't like reminders except when absolutely necessary. I'm sure I picked out this layout when I was pregnant with Willow. Looking back, I should have known she was a girl way before the sonogram confirmed it. For the first time in my life, jewelry took on a life of its own. I HAD to have earrings, a necklace and bracelets or at least two of the three. I'm pretty sure I even dreamed in Pink. After she was born, I went back to my old self - wishing I wanted to put on the jewelry that I had accumulated while pregnant. Instead, I grab the same pair of earrings I wear every time I think to myself, "oh, I really should dress up a little." Forget the necklaces and bracelets.

Everyone asks if I think she'll be a girly-girl or a tomboy. Who knows? Right now she chooses balls and cars over dolls, but with three big brothers does she really have a choice? In the long run, I imagine she'll be a little of both.

Anyway, on to other things. We have these rabbits that live in our backyard. I really don't know how many of them there are, but they provide lots of entertainment for our family. Benjamin (son #3) loves the bunnies. If he doesn't want to eat his supper, we just remind him that the bunnies love (fill in the blank), and he happily munches his food just like a rabbit would. The other day, the boys mentioned again how they would like to have a pet. We talked about what kind of pet would be best. We decided we did NOT want a pet that could eat us, so lions were out. We did NOT want a pet that pooped a lot or that would smash our house if it sat down, so dinosaurs were out. We also agreed that cats were definitely out because they might eat our rabbits. In the end, we decided our rabbits were the best pets. They live in our back yard by their own choice. We don't feed them. We don't have to take care of them. But, they offer us lots of entertainment. So for now, the rabbits will remain our only pets...and as a parent, who would surely handle the responsibility for a pet, I am very glad for our "pet" rabbits.

Speaking of rabbits, I have a little David as my first-born. Last summer he was running along the drainage ditch near our house and he saw a rabbit (surely not one that lives in our backyard) and he picked up a dirt clod and took aim. From about 30 yards, that kid nailed the rabbit in the head and killed the varmint. Couldn't do it again if he tried, and believe me he's tried. He was so sad. He came running in the house and said, momma, I think I hurt a rabbit. I didn't mean to. I think he's asleep in the ditch. I checked out the rabbit. Fortunately, daddy's a preacher, and we had our own rabbit funeral that afternoon. Reminded me of the many funerals my brother and our friends performed over the years for mice and birds. We always sang, "The Yellow Rose of Texas." Maybe that's what was missing in that little rabbit funeral last summer.