What are you doing that requires faith?

I'm reading a book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan, a mega-church pastor with a few different ideas about how we should be doing church and living out our lives devoted to Jesus. I've started reading this book multiple times the past couple of years, but never got past chapter 3. This time things are different. I'm moderating the book/video series for our Homebuilders Sunday School class. Sometimes I need a little extra motivation to get things done - this assignment has proved most helpful, and I just finished chapter 7 (of 10).

In chapter 7, Francis gets into some verses that we tend to "overlook", like "sell all your possessions and give to the poor" (Luke 12:33). He also talks about Christ telling us "to count the cost of following Him and surrendering everything". That place of trust is nearly unheard of in our comfortable, American Christianity.

He goes on to ask the question, "What are you doing that requires faith?" If it is easier, he says, break that question into two parts - What are you doing? and then, of those things, What requires faith?

Of course I have to examine my own life as I explore these truths. What am I doing that requires faith? There have been several things that have taken faith for me the past few years. First, was having my last two babies at home. Second, was beginning to homeschool our oldest two children. And, most recently, was the decision to pursue training in midwifery. All three of these things were outside my comfort zone, but we felt God's leading us in all of these areas.

In hindsight, homebirth and homeschool were obviously the right choices; we were being obedient. But, in the midst of those decisions, we had to take a giant step of faith saying, "God, we sure hope we're hearing you right on this one!"

I'm still in the "giant step of faith" stage on the midwifery training. It is something I definitely have an interest and desire to do, but there are so many other things to consider.

• Is pursuing a direct-entry midwifery licence right vs. a nurse-midwife training.
• How am I going to apprentice when the closest midwives are two hours away / how will this affect my family?
• This is taking a major time commitment. Is it worth the sacrifices of family, friends, free-time?
• What if I get trained, become a midwife, start practicing and a momma or baby dies?
• What if I get trained, become a midwife, start practicing and the gov't changes the laws regarding midwives?
• What if people talk about how wacky I am behind my back?
• What if people think/say I'm endangering moms and babies?

These things make me feel a little like Abraham. God told Him to pack up his family and possessions and go "to a place I will show you." I sincerely feel like that.
God didn't give me the entire plan, step by step, He simply answered a prayer I voiced, by saying, "Why don't you figure out what it would take to become a midwife." He didn't say start this training, go to this school, apprentice with these midwives, practice in this location.
So, I'm learning to take it one step at a time. And, that is what I'm doing that requires faith right now. It's definitely not in the league with, "selling all my possessions and giving to the poor", but I believe it's what is required of me right now. And, these steps of obedience should prepare me for the steps yet to come.

First Birth

Because doulas are pretty much unheard of in Perryton, I scheduled an informational meeting with our hospital administration and director of nurses this past Monday. The meeting went well. I would say they were receptive, but skeptical. I also had my first prenatal meeting with the mom and dad last Thursday, so they had a better idea of what we were getting into. We planned a second meeting to go over comfort measures, etc...but that turned into a "working meeting" when mom went into labor on Wednesday - a full three weeks before her due date.

I got a call at 1:10 a.m. on Wednesday morning from the dad saying they were on the way to the hospital. So I jumped in my clothes and grabbed my doula books / bag and headed to the hospital. Of course, my bag wasn't packed, and I wasn't as prepared as I would have liked, because I thought we probably had at least another week. But, we went with it!

Moms labor was long and each time we entered a new phase, I would reference my materials, and we would work through her contractions. We all knew ahead of time that this would be a "training" birth, to kind of help me get my bearings. I really was pleased with how we were able to work together. And, a healthy baby boy was born after 14 hours of labor.

I learned a lot from this birth, but more importantly, I was honored to be a part of such an important part of a family's life. JOY!

A few thoughts

Just a few thoughts I had today that I thought I'd share - for no particular reason.

(1) I caved in and bought ten of the canvas grocery bags today. I know I should feel good about this, after all I am doing something good for the earth. But, somehow, I feel like I gave into "peer" pressure - even though I'm not sure any of my "peers" use them. I always felt guilty about answering plastic when the grocery guy said, "paper or plastic." I just knew that secretly he was thinking, gosh this lady doesn't even care enough to use paper or better get the canvas bags. I'm sure, in reality, the grocery guy wasn't thinking about my bagging choice, but the cute girl ringing up my groceries, or when his break was coming, or what he was going to do tonight. But now I have ten canvas bags - I hope I remember to bring them to the grocery store.

(2) On the way to church Sunday morning, my two oldest boys were in the back of the minivan and had this conversation:
"Isaac look, there is a guy playing golf. I bet he doesn't know Jesus" (implying he'd be going to church instead of playing golf, if he knew Jesus.)
"Whoa, let's go tell him about Jesus!" (says Isaac)
"We can't to that; we can't talk to strangers." (says Caleb)

(3) Loosing faith? Our family, church and community have been dealing with an awful situation regarding a young man who was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor and had surgery to remove it. Following the surgery, the young man talked and joked with his family, but then his brain began to swell, and he was put in a medically induced coma for several weeks. Things did not improve and all the tests showed significant brain damage. We've been through a range of emotions. Lots of questions have been tossed around regarding our faith, or lack thereof; God's role vs. Satan's role; a roller coaster of emotion. Through it all, my children have been guarded, but still a part of the prayer. Last week, I told them that it would take a miracle for this boy to live. My oldest son said, "Mom, sometimes even at funerals people get up from the dead." Then he paused and added, "But, I guess that only happened in the Bible, right??" I love the innocence and faith that children exhibit. My oldest seems to be on somewhere in between childlike faith and whatever comes after that...I guess a little doubt. It's sad to me, I've counted on their innocent faith in moments like these - it somehow made me feel like things that I couldn't muster the faith for could somehow still happen because of their faith. (BTW, I'm sure none of that is theologically correct, just me trying to process life.)

(4) Last week, my husband and I had the joy of a leisurely supper with some old college friends. All of our kids were with sitters, and we visited long after our meals were finished and the waiters were stacking chairs on the tables. Then we moved to the parking lot and continued our visit for another 30 minutes. Our friendship began in college before any of us were married, continued through early marriage, and has now rounded the corner of kids and 10 year anniversaries. This time, our conversation centered around raising our children and our various jobs. Even though we live far apart and only get together periodically, the conversation still flowed; we enjoyed lots of laughs; shared struggles; and genuinely enjoyed each others company. We both made sacrifices to make this supper happen, and grandparents stepped up admirably to help in that regard. I sincerely believe that friendships are one of God's greatest gifts!

(5) Midwifery update: I received my classwork for the "Introduction to Midwifery" course around mid-April. I have 20 assignments due before October 10. One assignment includes reading eight different books and submitting notes. In fact, most assignments require submitting detailed notes and creating "files" about different subjects to use for reference should I continue to become a midwife. I can't imagine a better way to learn. I'm really enjoying what I'm learning. I'll try to write in more detail about this soon.

(6) Doula. I have my first doula birth scheduled for the beginning of June. I'll meet with mom and dad in the next week or two to outline what they would like to happen during labor and delivery. I'm excited, but nervous. I'm also meeting with the administration for our local (rural) hospital to educate them on what a doula is/does. When I asked for the meeting, no one knew what a doula was, so I'll anticipating an interesting conversation. I am hoping they are receptive!